Voldemort's Secret Life
by Anne Zwarts
Summary: There are things in Voldemort's life only the author knows about…


_Title:_ Voldemort's secret life

_Rating:_ PG-13 (it's slash, so if you don't like slash…)

_Summary:_ There are things in Voldemort's life only the author knows about…

_Pairing:_ Voldemort and…

_Disclaimer:_ I own none of the characters, they're all JK Rowling's…

_Author's note:_ As I had said, it's SLASH, not very alarming, but still, it's slash…

Voldemort's secret life

By Anne Zwarts

"Pettigrew, get Snape for me!" shrieked Voldemort. He was really pissed off today, because his faithful servant peter Pettigrew failed again. A small man with a face like a rat's came forward, bowed at his master's feet, and kissed them.

"Yes Master, I'm on my way, Master, and I am your most humble servant, Master!" said the man.

"If you don't leave at once, you will be my most dead servant, Pettigrew. Now go! Snape's at Hogwarts, try to get him away from there!" replied Voldemort. Pettigrew immediately jumped to his feet and set of to Hogwarts. Voldemort shook his head and seat down, he called another servant.

"How can I be of service, Lord Voldemort?" the servant asked.

"Get me a hot chocolate before I'm driving mad! Oh, and something else, did I make a mental note before to get rid of Wormtail?"

The servant nodded.

"Well, then I'll make a new mental note about that…"

A few hours later…

Pettigrew came panting in his Master's office. "I've brought Snape, Master!"

"Good, good. Now take him in!" Voldemort replied. Pettigrew nodded and stepped aside, to let Snape in.

"Good afternoon Severus Snape. Pettigrew, would you _please_ let us alone? Thank you…" and Pettigrew left Voldemort's office.

"Why did I have to come, Master?" asked Snape.

"Because I missed you, my love," answered Voldemort. Snape smiled and walked over to sit down on Voldemort's desk.

"I missed you too…" said Snape. He bowed forward to kiss Voldemort. Voldemort stood up and pushed Snape backwards on his desk. He began to rake Snape's clothes off and kissed him all over.

"You know, we shouldn't so this right here…" whispered Snape.

"Why not?" whispered Voldemort back.

"What if Pettigrew storms into your office while we're… you know…"

"Oh, don't be afraid of that, Severus… he won't, he will knock first…"

"Sure… did he when he entered when he brought e here?" asked Snape.

"No… but… oh well, what if he bursts into my office?" said Voldemort, caressing his wand, "never heard of _Avada Kedavra_?"

"You won't, will you?"

"Nah, I'll only paralyse him…" said Voldemort, taking control over Snape again.

Just at the moment Voldemort was kissing Snape very deeply, the door of his office burst open and Pettigrew came in.

"Voldemort!" he yelled, "How could you!"

"Peter! This is not what it seems!" stammered Voldemort.

"Voldemort, I thought you loved me! It's over between us, do you hear that? It's over! O.V.E.R.!" yelled Pettigrew, and he slammed the door shut.

"What?! You're dating that… that… _rat_ too??!" said Snape.

"Well, I er… er…" but before Voldemort could finish his sentence, Snape hit him in the face. The door burst open again.

"Oh, yeah, Dumbledore and McGonagall wanted to see you, Voldemort," said Pettigrew.

"Fine, let them in. and Pettigrew; you stay here too." Voldemort and Snape were standing apart n the room, as if nothing had happened, when Dumbledore and McGonagall entered.

"You wished to see me," asked Voldemort.

"Yes," answered Dumbledore. "By the way, is it true what Peter yelled, that you're dating Severus?"

"Does it matter then?' asked Voldemort.

"Yes, because Severus' already my lover, my playmate, my toy boy!" said Dumbledore smiling to Snape who turned a bit pink.

"Is that so?!" yelled McGonagall.

"Oh drat, you weren't supposed to know that, my love," Dumbledore said to McGonagall.

"But Voldemort, what I heard also, you're dating Peter as well as Severus," asked McGonagall. 

"Yes, to both of you. I'm in love with Peter and Severus. I'm gay!" said Voldemort. He took of his robes and appeared to wear a bright pink, leather suite underneath it

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight……" answered McGonagall. "Peter, I though you only loved me, but instead you were in love with your Master as well! How could you?!"

Pettigrew shrugged. "I'm bi, you know. And as I am in love with the both of you, and I couldn't decide who I should be dating with, I chose the both of you…"

"Minerva, how long have you been dating that… _Death Eater_?" asked Dumbledore.

"Let me think… for one and a half year, I think… yes, one and a half year. Tell me Albus, how long have _you_ been dating that… that… Potions Master?" she asked.

"For one and a half year too, I think…"

"Wait, wait, why didn't the two of you came here anyway?" asked Voldemort.

Dumbledore and McGonagall were staring blankly at each other, they both didn't seem to remember.

"You can't remember? Sheesh…"

"Yeah, I can remember now… we were here to kill you. And I've got an extra reason for killing you. Voldemort, as you took my boyfriend!" said Dumbledore.

"And how exactly were you planning to do _that_?!" asked Voldemort. Dumbledore took a huge sword from underneath his robes and cut Voldemort's head off, causing a fountain of blood from his neck.

"I'm very sorry for the mess, Voldemort," he added sarcastically.

"Wasn't there a way which didn't involve so much slaughtering?" asked McGonagall.

Dumbledore shrugged. "Maybe…" he threw the sword at Voldemort's feet and left the office, closely followed by McGonagall.

Pettigrew was staring at Snape.

"What are you staring at, Pettigrew?' snapped Snape.

"I'm staring at you, severed, I just realised something…" said Pettigrew.

"You realised what?" snarled Snape. "You realised what a loser you are?"

"No, I realised…" Pettigrew walked toward Snape and looked him in his eyes. "I just realised… no, I can't say it…"

"What did you realise, twit?" snapped Snape at Pettigrew, who was only inches away from him. "Tell me!"

"I can't tell you… I've got to make it clear in another way…" Pettigrew stood tiptoe and kissed Snape, who pushed him away from him, spitting and trying to wipe his lips clean with his sleeves.

"I'm sorry Severus, but I'm in love with you…" stammered Pettigrew.

"No, you're not! You can't be! I hate you!" snarled Snape, looking at Pettigrew as if he was a dirty old sock.

"You know, this is causing me serious psychological harm!"

"If only you didn't watch so many films," said Snape.

"Oh, I'm not, Severus, believe me. But that girl who's writing this down, she watched too many films!"

"You mean Anne Zwarts? I should have known… she also thought up that whole thing about everybody loving everyone, and everyone hating each other, too?" asked Snape.

"Yes."

"Damn…" Snape pulls the writer, Anne Zwarts, inside the fanfict.

"Why, hello Severus, how are you?" Anne asked.

"I'm glad you ask… who's in love with who in this fict anyway? " Snape asked.

"Well, Voldemort's in love with you and Pettigrew, but you're also in love with Dumbledore, who's also in love with McGonagall, and _she_'s also in love with Pettigrew, who's in love with Voldemort, and Voldemort's in love with you, and you – "

"Yes, yes, I've got your point. Now, let me go back to my dungeons at Hogwarts and end this story, okay?"

"As you wish, Severus. Oh, by the way, who's supposed to be your love interest?"  asked Anne as an after thought.

"I don't know, just think of someone…"

"You asked for it… bye!" and Anne disappeared.

"I don't want to know who that'll be…" said Severus, and then he realised he was back in his dungeons. But he was not alone, there was someone else. It was a girl with long, black hair, dark eyes and she smiled at him. He recognised her as Anne Zwarts…

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Severus. "Let me out of his nightmare!!!" 

~*~END~*~


End file.
